Raising our children according to their time

 

Bismillahi Rohmaannir Rohiim

Allahumma solli 'alaa sayyidina muhammadin nabiyyil ummiyil wa 'alaa aalihi wasohbihii ajmain

When our children are born, they never come with an instruction manual. Each child is blessed with their unique characters, qualities, gifts and strength. As Muslims, we are truly blessed to have a religion that guides us through the Quranic and prophetic ways of bringing up our children. Our beloved prophet Sayyiduna Muhammad SAW was given such wisdom and foresight, his advises and guides stays relevant even after 1400 yrs. His sahabahs are also blessed with wisdoms and they are the rarest gems who carried on spreading his sunnah through their exemplary akhlaq.

Parenting was never an easy task; it evolves as time passes. It evolves with each generation, and I find myself changing as I learned that the way I was brought up differs very much from the current time. I learned to embrace the changes and how best to communicate effectively with my children. Often, I wondered how it would be like if my parents did similarly as I did. Nevertheless, I loved my parents very much as they have imparted many wisdoms and qualities that groomed me to who I am.

I find myself wearing different roles, toggling between being authoritative and permissive. I used to be an authoritarian as I was brought up that way. I almost lost them as they shut themselves and I was clueless about their lives. Alhamdulillah, He is Most Merciful, He sent His most pious servant as a guide, and it was a wakeup call. I find myself changing into the 3 F parent, firm, fair and friendly. I never regretted changing and I wished I had done it sooner.

The challenges, environment, ideals and standards differ vastly from our time to theirs. In order for them to appreciate ours, we first have to appreciate theirs. I learned to compromise and deal with them like an adult. I learned I can no longer be the helicopter parent and keeps solving their problems. I changed my approach and asked them how they would best deal with the situation. That was when I realised I need to teach them problem solving and equipped them with that tool. I would also ask them if they would want to hear my opinions and look at their response and views.

Indeed, this advise by sayyidina Ali r.a is the best guide for all parents. I am truly grateful to Allah SWT, my soulmate and children. 

Alhamdulillah 'alaa kulli haal.

Robbighfirlii dzunubii wa liwalidayya warhamhumaa kama robbayani soghiroh. Aamiin allahumma aamin